Settling in at nursery: how it works, how long it takes and tips for the first weeks

Settling in at nursery is the first big step away from home for many children, and often for their parents too. If you are new to Ticino, you will hear it called inserimento or ambientamento. This guide explains how it works, how long it takes, what is normal in the first weeks and how to prepare, including for babies under one, families who have just moved and children starting in a new language.

What is settling in at nursery?

Settling in is the period in which a child gradually separates from their parent and builds a relationship of trust with the educators and the other children. The Canton of Ticino describes it as a delicate and necessary time, aimed at a positive and progressive separation.

The cantonal guidelines for nurseries ask that settling in involve the child, the parent, the nursery management and the child's key person (persona di riferimento); that it be planned together with the family, with individual adjustments to the standard procedure; and that, ideally, it take place on consecutive days. The criteria used to decide when a child has settled must also be defined and explained to parents.

Behind it lies John Bowlby's attachment theory: a young child explores new things when a trusted adult is close by as a secure base. The Canton's quality guide for nurseries puts it simply: warm, stable relationships with a small number of adults, and in particular with one stable presence, are what allow a child to accept a temporary separation from their parents.

So the aim is not for your child to stop crying, but to find an adult at the nursery who can comfort them. A study of 70 fifteen-month-olds, published in Child Development in 2004, found that in the first days without their mothers, the children's levels of cortisol, a stress hormone, rose in the hour after drop-off to between 75% and 100% above their levels at home. Attachments stayed or became secure when mothers spent more days settling their children in alongside them.

How long does settling in take?

Usually two to four weeks, but your child sets the pace. The Canton of Ticino advises parents to keep at least two weeks free, which may be extended depending on how the child adjusts. The City of Zurich's municipal nurseries plan for about two to four weeks. The Berlin model, developed by the Berlin institute infans on the basis of attachment theory, usually takes one to three weeks but asks parents to keep two to four weeks free.

It depends on temperament, age, previous experience and how many days a week your child attends. According to the Berlin model, securely attached children, who often look back at their parent, cry hard when they leave and greet them warmly when they return, need a longer settling-in period of two or three weeks. A slow start is not a bad sign. The same model suggests half days while settling in and only a gradual increase in hours afterwards.

How settling in works, day by day

Every nursery has its own plan, but the pattern is similar. This typical path is based on the Berlin model and the City of Zurich's leaflet for parents.

Settling in is complete when your child lets the educator comfort them and, without you, plays and explores with curiosity. They may still protest at drop-off for days or even weeks: what counts is the comfort they accept straight afterwards.

How to prepare your child, and yourself

• Talk about it, even with a baby. Tell your child about the nursery and how you feel: children pick up adults' emotions long before they understand the words.
• Choose a comforter from home: a soft toy, a cushion, a muslin. A familiar smell is reassuring in uncertain moments, especially at nap time.
• Practise short separations with grandparents, friends or a trusted babysitter.
• If you are exclusively breastfeeding, introduce a bottle in good time: Zurich's municipal nurseries point out that it can take about two weeks, and plenty of patience. Our guide to weaning and meals at nursery covers the feeding side.
• Talk to the nursery about sleep: if your child only falls asleep in your arms or in a sling, ask how naps will be handled and whether to introduce a cot gradually.
• Protect your calendar: no holidays during settling in or just after and, if possible, no other big change at the same time, such as a house move or new meal and nap times. If your child is starting solids, avoid introducing new foods during those weeks.

Tears, tiredness, regression: what is normal

Crying at drop-off is normal and, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, a sign of a meaningful attachment. Separation anxiety appears once a child understands that you still exist when out of sight: in some babies as early as 4 to 5 months, more often around 9 months, while other children show it for the first time at 15 to 18 months. Goodbyes are harder when a child is hungry, tired or unwell.

In the first weeks it is also common to see:

• great tiredness at the end of the day, after so many new impressions;
• changes in sleep, appetite or play, sometimes with a greater need for closeness at home;
• protests at drop-off returning after days or weeks, just when everything seemed settled.

Separating is physically demanding too, as the study above shows, which is why a gradual pace matters. Tell the nursery about any changes you notice at home, pick your child up a little earlier when you can and keep evenings calm.

If after about three weeks your child still cannot be comforted by the educator, ask the nursery for a meeting to review the pace together. If you have concerns about your child's wellbeing or development, speak to your paediatrician.

The parent's role during settling in

In the first days, your job is to be a safe harbour: stay in the room, available and attentive, without following your child around or being absorbed in your phone. Let the educator be the one who offers to play.

• Always say goodbye. Do not slip away: your child needs to know that you are leaving and that you will come back, even when they are very small.
• Keep the ritual short and the same every day: a hug, a phrase, a wave. A goodbye that drags on drags out the anxiety too.
• Do not come back once you have left, unless agreed with the educator: starting the separation again is harder for everyone.
• Explain when you will return in their terms: "after your nap", "before snack time".
• Keep your promise. Coming back when you said you would is what builds trust.
• Talk to the nursery every day: share how the night went and ask how your child reacted after you left. If your Italian is still limited, ask which languages the team can use with you.

You may feel guilty, sad or relieved, often all at once. That is normal, and the more confident you feel about your choice, the easier it will be for your child too.

Special situations

Babies under one

With babies, settling in revolves around care: how they feed, how they fall asleep, how they are soothed. Cantonal rules require nurseries to respect each child's individual rhythm up to about 18 months, so your baby's feeding and nap times do not have to fit the group's straight away. Prepare the switch to a bottle, with expressed breast milk or formula, in good time, and describe your baby's rituals and cues to the nursery in detail.

After a move

Moving house and starting nursery are two big changes: if you can, avoid having them overlap, and give your child a few days to find their bearings in the new home first. Bring familiar objects to the nursery and keep evening routines the same. If you are relocating to Ticino, our guide to moving to Lugano with children helps you plan the timing.

Two languages, or a new one

If the nursery speaks a language you do not use at home, or is bilingual, settling in is still about relationships first: tone of voice, gestures and predictable routines give security even when the words are new. Help the educators by telling them how your child asks for a drink, what they call their dummy or favourite toy, and which songs calm them. In the first weeks, what matters is that they feel safe, not how much they understand or say. For common questions about growing up with more than one language, see Raising bilingual children.

Settling in at Honeycomb

At Honeycomb School in Muzzano, near Lugano, settling in at the nursery is gradual and follows the pace of each child and their family. It starts with a meeting with the pedagogical coordinator and continues with a structured conversation with parents about sleep, feeding and separation. Children have stable key people; for the youngest, the Little Bees, there is a dedicated space for babies aged 0 to 12 months, designed as an extension of home, with few children per educator and separate areas for sleep, care and free movement. Families also receive support with sleep, crying and the return to work. Each educator speaks only their own native language, Italian or English, and both languages run through the daily routines. To see the spaces and talk about your child's settling in, you are welcome to book a visit.

Every child settles in at their own pace. A few tears at drop-off do not mean something is wrong: they show how attached your child is to you, and that they are learning to trust someone else too.